i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
