I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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