How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
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