I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
