ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
