She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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