I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
She's the barista slut.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
