She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
