I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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