theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
