i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
How's work?
Spinning.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
