my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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