The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
