Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
