Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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