your room smells of hookers.
And success
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize