I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Randomize
