So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
