belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
