girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Girls should come with a carfax report
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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