just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
