If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
He felt like a one man threesome
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
