Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
