I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
