i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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