We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
