seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
