I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
