I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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