i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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