AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
In other news, I just burned my penis
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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