1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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