Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
