you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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