Will you blow on my dice?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
