pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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