a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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