he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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