That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize