is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
