listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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