i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Text me some of your sweat
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
