I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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