I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
