if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
The chlamydia really affected his face.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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