Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
