the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
