I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
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