So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
