I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
