I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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