just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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