Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
