NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
