I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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