I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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