I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
