I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
