Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
