They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
