feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
