when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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