He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
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