I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Verdict: uncircumcised.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
