matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
