If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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