So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
