i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
