I could have mohawked her pubes.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Randomize