a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
