I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
