he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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