Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
