Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
My balls are so social today.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
