Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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