you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
