you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Randomize
