Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
So many bounce houses so little time
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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