I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
