i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
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