He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
