I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
