i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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