I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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