I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize