and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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