I bet he comes in French.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
