i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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