you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
