He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
