I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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