About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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