Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
