The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
God, I missed his penis.
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