Apparently you make a good broom.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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