she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
