chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Randomize
