So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
